Waiting for women

Women are confused as to their role in society and as per usual it’s everyone’s fault but their own.

On the one hand you have both the feminist and lesbian types blaming men for the female predicament – American feminist author Jessica Valenti (left), falls roughly into the former category .

While on the other hand you have the still-romantic journalist types like Bryony Gordon, features writer for the Telegraph (right).

Discussing almost the same subject – hinging on marriage and children – both come to widely divergent views.

As one might expect from a kid born in 1978 to an Italian – Buddhist family Valenti lacks the heritage and sense of identity in her outlook. She is the product par excellence of her age, an age where feminism had warped society into ‘the normal.’ She has no experience of the normal before it was changed by feminist values and she is the poorer for it.

Valenti is credited with taking feminism into the on-line world which must have left her more elderly colleagues high and dry in the old mediums of communications. For that reason she can be said to falls roughly into the same category. If her book titles are anything to go by she might be a welcome breath of fresh air.

  • “Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape” (2008).
  • “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women” (2009)

‘Why have kids?’ is the title of her new book, but the content is a rehash of feminist arguments made in the 1970s – the ‘barefoot and pregnant’ invective of the Erin Pizzey era.

  • ‘Why have kids ? Guilt and self-flagellation’ of motherhood is making women wish they never had children’.
    “One of the most important things is to get rid of the idea that it’s best for kids to be with their parents as much as possible,’

Somewhat ignorant of the realities of life – and the research – she then goes on to say:

  • “that research shows children do better when they have numerous people – parents, grandparents, friends – assisting their development.”

Yes, Ms. Valenti (married mother of a 2 year old daughter), children do better when they have numerous people around them – usually they’re called Mother, Dad and grandparents.

Dummkopf  ! !

Sharing the load of raising children is precisely what the family unit of father, mother and grandparents was created for. Why try to reinvent the wheel ?

One wonders whether she is also thinking in the back of her mind about the position of divorced mothers when she writes:

  • ‘I think it’s hard for some mothers to let go of that maternal power, especially when that might be all the power that you have.’ And thirdly, moms have to ditch the belief that their child should be the centre of their world.

Is that a confession from the new generation of feminists that ‘ego’ and ‘self’ come first, and that a job, sorry, career comes even ahead of a child’s best interests ?

  • ‘I am a person first and a mother second and I think it’s weird that that idea is seen as being controversial. We don’t demand the same thing of fathers. We don’t hear men saying ‘I’m a father first. Being a person first doesn’t mean that the depth of love that you have for your child is any less intense.’

Clearly Valenti does not have a way with words or is mesmerised in some way. Being a person and also a parent are not contradictory but fully compatible and interchangeable. It displays a certain shallowness to see both as competing for a ranking position.

Another view

Bryony Gordon is the daughter of divorced parents and sees herself as somebody who has long dealt with that situation and with the fact that she thinks will never get married (23 Jan 2009).[1]

Is she mad ? Look at her picture. We have all seen many a heifer-like bride walking up the aisle. Why do women forever lack self-esteem ?

Such opinions should buoy her up but strangely, she recalls how the prospect of never getting married leaves her feeling rather flat.

  • “A world without marriage seems like rather a bleak one, doesn’t it? Instead of dreaming of a white wedding fit for a princess, little girls will instead have to dream of co-habitation. Mmm. Yeah. Great.”
  • The problem with marriage, though, is that it has become about weddings, and big, showy ones at that. The latest figures put the cost of the average bash at £21,000 – a year’s wages for some. It seems that you cannot get married today without “his and hers” thrones, a horse-drawn carriage and a ceremony at a grand country house.

Marketing and consumerism have invaded even weddings. The “Hello” magazine syndrome of aping the Beckham’s celebrity wedding has infected the entire population of unmarried women.Every shop assistant bride-to-be has this has her ideal.

  • Then when the champagne hangover wears off, husband and wife realise that marriage is for life, not just a day when you get to wear a great big monstrosity of a frock and dance to a cheesy disco.

Bryony Gordon concludes by saying, we should perhaps take our time to reacquaint ourselves with marriage’s true values. It would be a mistake to divorce ourselves from it just yet.

When women eventually decide what they want can they please tell us ?  Meanwhile, what are we as mere man supposed to do ?

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[1] “Marriage is for life, not a day in a monstrous frock” Bryony Gordon, Telegrpah, 23 Jan 2009 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/bryonygordon/4326420/Marriage-is-for-life-not-a-day-in-a-monstrous-frock.html

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